This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Claire Elizabeth Beaver who was born in St. Louis,  Missouri on March 25, 2006 and passed away on April 04, 2006 . We will remember her forever.  

On March 21, 2006, I (Claire's Mother) had my six month appointment at Harrisburg, Illinois. I had felt tired and was swollen but being my first pregnancy, I thought this was normal.  At my appointment they told me that my blood pressure was high and that I had protein in my urine and that I would have to be admitted in the hospital for observation.  Fortunately, my sister Amanda had gone with me that day, with out her I never would have made it home to get my stuff and back to the hospital in Marion, Illinois.  I was so scared, I asked Amanda to call my husband Matt and our mom and dad.  I just cried.  All kinds of things went through my head, What are they going to do?, Whats going to happen to my baby? are just a couple of them.  Amanda and my 2 month old niece Mallory took me home to get my things and back to the hospital.  Matt and mom and dad met us over there.  We were all hoping for the best, a few days being monitored and then back home on bed rest and possibly something to help my blood pressure.  We were wrong.  They did two different 24 hour urine collections, the first one was almost 7 times normal and the second one was 10 times normal.  They had checked Claire's heartbeat several times throughout my stay and it always seemed normal they also gave me two steriod shots to mature her lungs, just incase.  They did an ultrasound on March 24 to check how she was doing before they sent me by ambulance to St. Louis, Missouri.  They said I had severe pre-eclampsia and that since I was only a little over 24 weeks they didn't have the technology or the doctors to deliver Claire if need be.  I arrived in St. Louis a couple of hours later.  I cried and prayed, I was scared for my baby and myself.  The doctors at St. Louis did ultrasounds that would last for up to an hour.  They had me connected to a blood pressure monitor and a fetal heart rate monitor.  They drew blood, which was becoming more and more difficult because of how swollen I was.  They had to have different nurses try over and over again just for a small amount.  They continued to monitor me and Claire and did more ultrasounds throughout the night.  They had a pediatrician come talk with us about what could be done for Claire if she had to be delivered this early.  We all kept our hopes up,  maybe I'd just have to spend the next few months in the hospital in St. Louis until she was more mature.  We were wrong again.  The next morning, on March 25 the doctors came in and said that Claire's heartrate was staying flat instead of spiking the way it should be.  I already knew what was coming next and I just cried.  They had to wake Matt up to tell him that they were going to do an emergency c-section sometime before noon.  We called our parents and told them what was going on.  They put me on oxygen, which they said was to try to pep Claire up, but also it was for me.  They refrained from telling me exactly how severe my condition was becoming.  I was in risk of kidney failure and seizures and if they didn't do the c-section, they could lose Claire and me.  A group of pediatricians came and talked with us again, they were from the St. Louis Children's hospital and they told us that they would do everything they could for Claire but that she may not even make it through delivery.  So we prayed like crazy that she would.  And for once in the past week, we were right.  I walked to the operating room with my nurse and my mom and one of the doctors.  I was shakey, I'd never had surgery before and now I had to be cut open and there was a chance I might lose my little girl.  The nurses and doctors were all really nice and told me exactly what they were doing.  They didn't let Matt come in until after they did the epidural.  I was so wore out that I kept dozing off, but I was determined not to fall asleep completely because I was afraid this might be the only time I get to see my little Claire.  Matt was really supportive and told  me when they got Claire out and that they were taking care of her.  She weighed one pound and two and one half ounces and was 10 inches long and was delivered at 11:18 a.m.  She didn't cry because her lungs were underdeveloped because of her young gestational age.  The pediatricians got her stabilized enough to transfer her to the children's hospital and when they brought her by me so I could see her she opened her eyes, held up one hand and wiggled her tiny little fingers as if to wave hello and goodbye at  the same time.  Matt went with Claire and the transfer team to the other hospital while the doctors finished with me.  I thought I was going to get to go see her later that night, but since I had severe pre-eclampsia they had to give me magnesium through I.V. to keep me from having seizures so I had to stay in bed the rest of the night.  Everyone got to go see her and they all talked about how beautiful she was.  I cried because I couldn't go see her.  The hospital put me in the antepartum part of the hospital so that I could recover without hearing the other babies cry since I couldn't be with mine.  Everyone was so nice.  The next day I got to go see her.  It was amazing just looking at her, so tiny but every part of her was perfect.  I just sat with her that day, I didn't touch her but I ached to hold her.  The next day I went to see her and was able to put my hands in the isolette and touch her.  It was awesome.  I just stood there for like 45 minutes not moving, I was sweating so much that by the time I sat back down in the wheelchair there was a puddle of sweat on the floor.  We weren't able to hold her because of the type of ventilator she was on but we could touch her and talk to her.  We never stopped praying and hoping for the best.  She would do good and then have a bad day then do good again.  At one point she flat lined while my dad and I were standing there with her.  My dad went and got Matt and my Mom and we all stood there praying that she would come through.  I never knew I could be so scared for someone elses life, but I was terrified.  They got her back and told us that her breathing tube got moved and made her lose oxygen.  After that everytime a monitor went off I jumped.  She seemed to be doing good even though she was really sick.  She had a PDA, pulmonary hypertension, and they thought there was a spot in her bowels that was infected.  She had a couple more good days then it got really bad.  They didn't expect her to live much longer she had a severe infection in her blood that was not responding to the antibiotics they were treating her with.  Then her oxygen sats  were dropping so her blood wasn't carrying the oxygen to the rest of her body, and her blood transfusions weren't helping her blood count to stay up either.  She had gone from having a nice pinck complection to being dull and swollen.  Still, we didn't give up hope and we prayed.  On April 3rd they changed her to a normal venillator and we were able to hold her for the first time.  We were able to do skin to skin and words can't describe how wonderful it was to be able to feel my baby against my chest.  The nurses in the NICU gave us our own little room so we could have privacy since the doctors had said that they didn't think there was anything else to do.  I don't know how long I held her that night before giving her to Matt.  Some of our family was there and they got to come back and visit with us.  The nurses took pictures for us which was really nice.  I finally gave her to Matt, who had been to work all day then came to the hospital which was about 2 hours from home.  It was really late at night and everyone kept telling us we should get some sleep, but sleep only came with complete exhaustion.  Matt fell asleep while holding her, but while he was awake, I've never seen him look happier.  The joy of holding his baby girl shined, even though we knew we were nearing the end.  I dozed a little while he held her and then he gave her to the nurses to put back in her isolette.  We were both able to get a little bit of sleep and when we awoke the doctor said she would talk with us again in a bit because Claire was getting worse, they thought her kidneys were starting to fail and she was possibly having seizures.  I held her again skin to skin.  Matt and I decided that morning on April 4, 2006 that we would take her off the ventillator and let her go.  It was the hardest and the easiest decision I have ever made.  I wanted to keep her so bad, but at the same time I didn't want her suffering any more.  I told her that if Jesus was calling, go ahead and go, she didn't have to fight for mommy any more, and that when she got there to climb up on her Papa Gross' knee and kiss him on his bald head for her mommy, and to tell Charli (her cousin that was still born on 8-31-05) that we all love her and miss her.  We informed the nurse of what we decided and she told the doctor.  They told us that they had a garden on the eigth floor that we could take her to let her go.  We gave all of our family that was there a chance to hold her and say their goodbyes.  The nurses took more pictures for us and they gave me a chance to give her some of my breastmilk.  We took her to the garden that day and the sun shined down on her face and she was beautiful.  Her hair which looked dark at times shined golden.  She got to experience the sun and wind and when they took the vent off she breathed a few breaths of fresh air on her own, and then she was gone, as silently as she came.  They took a lot of pictures for us and when we were finished saying our goodbyes we took her back to the NICU  where they did hand and feet prints on paper and a mold for us.  They also let us give her a bath and they let me change her diaper.  They took more pictures and gave us everything from her isolette.  They put all of the pictures on a cd for us to keep.  The entire NICU was so supportive and nice.  We had visitation and a funeral for her and burried her in the cemetery up the road from our house, right next to my grandpa.  There were so many people that came to both. For someone so small, she touched so many lives.  We burried her in a doll wedding dress which was beautiful on her.  She lived for ten days and now she is in peace.  I will always love her and she will always be in my heart.  The doctors said she had a pulmonary hemmorage (bleeding in her lungs), sepsis (severe infection), her kidneys failed, she also had a brain hemmorage that was in a place where the ultrasounds wouldn't show it which is why her blood count kept dropping and caused her to have seizures, basically this was all stemed from her being so premature because of me having pre-eclampsia, and now my little angel is in heaven where she truly is an angel.



Sometimes we do not understand
What is in the Master's plan
Why he has taken our little one
And considered her work on earth as done
But each day was a gift from above
To see her face and to teach us love
So tiny and perfect in every way
A little miracle was born that day
We opened our hearts, and the love flowed in
So the memory of this doll baby will never end.
Now she is in heaven, as happy as can be
Sittin next to Jesus, and on her Papa's knee.
Our tears flow like water, even though we all know
That you are in a better place, we have to let you go.
So remember little Claire, we will meet again
And our eternity together, will finally begin.
In Loving Memory of Claire Elizabeth Beaver.
Written by: Misty Jester (cousin)





http://www.HonoredBabies.org 


My sweet little angel,
I will hold you in my heart
While God holds you in his arms.
Mommy loves you and misses you so much.


Please feel free to light a candle for our beautiful little girl!

What Makes A Mother
author unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother had a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay"

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your chlid's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her everyday.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come Home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of 
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And know that you are the best one!"






Darling little one only
here for awhile
We'll never see you toddle
never see your sweet smile
In this world for the blink 
of an eye, but for you ever
will our hearts cry
Take heart good parents
 In knowing
Some day we'll all be with the 
Little one God took away.
Written by: Keith Syers (friend)


Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes
Two tiny little ears, and one tiny little nose.
You were perfect in every way,
But still God chose to take you away.
I wish you didn't have to go.
It just doesn't seem right,
That others get to keep their children,
While we had you only a few nights.
So now, there is a hole in my heart
That I know will not go away
Until I'm up in Heaven
Holding you again some day.
So until we meet again
My sweet little child
I will think of you often
And it will always make me smile.
I will smile just for you
My little Claire Bear
Because I know God's love is true, 
 One day I'll be there.
Written by Mommy